


A Yuletide With You (2019)

by IvanW



Series: Ivan's K/S Holiday Collection [22]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, May/December Relationship, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Romance, Sexual Content, T'hy'la, Winter Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 14:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21649858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Jim spends the holiday season with Spock Prime after his recovery
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock Prime
Series: Ivan's K/S Holiday Collection [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/602863
Comments: 86
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
[](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q9sjAILF1Gs/XehljNXK1DI/AAAAAAAACzc/rj6gPtTLUDAlPHm6MJ6UtWttmbCZs031gCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/tumblr_681bf8e0d82881a1e5a4202d8f2490de_6aef5255_540.jpg)
> 
>   
Beautiful artwork by [My Lochka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylochka/pseuds/Mylochka)  

> 
> [ ](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q9sjAILF1Gs/XehljNXK1DI/AAAAAAAACzc/rj6gPtTLUDAlPHm6MJ6UtWttmbCZs031gCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/tumblr_681bf8e0d82881a1e5a4202d8f2490de_6aef5255_540.jpg)  

> 
>   

> 
>   


Jim opened his eyes. And wasn’t that the darndest thing anyway. Opening his eyes. Because honestly, he had never expected to do that ever again when he went into the warp core and then died. Every time he did now, well, it was both surreal and an unexpected gift. He hadn’t wanted to die, he hadn’t had a death wish for a long time, and he was proud of that, but he’d done what needed to be done to save his ship and her crew.

And in the end, they’d saved him.

He found that he was not alone, either, though many times over the last few days he had awakened to an empty hospital room. The light in the room wasn’t particularly bright, it was muted, probably for his benefit, though the bright light didn’t particularly hurt his eyes, not anymore, like it had when he’d first been revived.

And it wasn’t Bones with him, not this time, though that had been the case often enough. No sitting in a chair pulled very close to his bed was Spock. Older Spock from Delta Vega, who he had not seen since the day he’d been officially promoted to captain after their defeat of Nero.

“Wow,” Jim exclaimed.

Which caused Ambassador Spock to stand up quickly from his chair and drop the book he’d had on his lap to the floor. “Jim!”

Before Jim even had a chance to think about it and think Spock might fight it odd, Jim opened his arms in invitation. He saw the momentary surprise in Spock’s eyes, followed quickly by hesitation, and then, what Jim could only imagine was pleasure.

And it was his turn to be surprised when Spock stepped forward, closer, and not only accepted the embrace from Jim, but put his arms around Jim’s back and drew him closer still, holding him there against Spock for much longer than Jim had expected. If he’d expected such a gesture at all.

Then just when Jim thought maybe he should draw away and relieve Spock of the burden of him, Spock’s hold on him tightened and he heard the tiniest hitch of Spock’s breath.

“Are you…are you all right?”

Spock did pull back then. “You must forgive me, Jim. It is just simply quite remarkable to see you.”

“You heard about…” Jim paused, moistening his dry lips. Spock stepped forward then with a cup of water which he pushed upon Jim. “Everything?”

Instead of returning to his chair, Spock chose to sit on the edge of Jim’s hospital bed. “Indeed. I was surprised to see you without any visitors.”

“I have you. And wow. It’s a surprise.”

“A pleasant one I hope.”

“Oh.” Jim nodded and smiled. “Most definitely. I didn’t expect to see you. Well, ever again, really.” He laughed then.

“I did not give you any indication we would meet again,” Spock acknowledged.

“Nope. In fact, you implied that we wouldn’t.” Jim’s smile faded somewhat, though he tried to not let Spock see.

“That distressed you?”

“No, no. Of course not. I knew you were busy. Going to New Vulcan. Getting acclimated to this time. I understood.”

“How it is that no one is here with you?”

“I’m doing great. There’s no need for anyone to hover over me. Bones thinks I might get released tomorrow or the next day. I sent him away, he needs rest. Spock, well the other Spock, has gone to New Vulcan to spend time with his dad while everything’s being repaired, the ship, HQ, the city. Khan really did a number on everything.”

“He left you alone here?”

Jim shook his head. “I told you I’m okay. Bones cleared me as such before Spock left. Everyone’s got leave now, forced leave, but leave, and they want to make the best of it, especially given the time of year.”

Spock frowned slightly. “Time of year?”

He laughed a little. “The holiday season. You didn’t notice the little Christmas tree just inside my hospital room door? A nurse asked me if it was okay and I said yes.”

“Ah. Yes. The Terran holiday season. I did notice.”

“I’m guessing it wasn’t a thing for you.”

“My mother was Jewish and did partake in those holidays prior to her marriage to my father,” Spock replied. “Once she settled on Vulcan with him, though, she did not.”

“Holidays are illogical, huh?”

“Something like that.” Spock shook his head. “It was not something we pursued as a family. Of course when I served onboard the Enterprise, there were such festivities. But I chose to abstain.”

Jim nodded. “It wasn’t a big deal in my house either. I think, maybe, when I was little, really little, but definitely not when Frank showed up.”

“Frank?”

“Nobody. Never mind.” Jim smiled. “Who told you about me, Spock?”

“About you?”

“Well, you know. All of this.”

“None of them told me, Jim.” Spock paused. “It was you who told me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“We are…it is a long story.”

Jim smiled encouragingly. “Since I’m kind of stuck here at the moment it would seem I have a lot of time.”

Spock took a look breath in, then slowly pushed it out. His gaze became distant.

“Spock?”

“In my timeline, Jim and I were married for twenty years prior to my loss of him,” Spock finally said, quietly.

Jim felt an ache in his chest. “I-I’m sorry. That…it must have been horrible to lose him.”

“Yes. Beyond comprehension. And unexpectedly too. We were both married and bonded in the same way that my parents had been. However, we were also T’hy’la.”

The word seemed to whisper across his consciousness in a way that had Jim shaking his head. It wasn’t possible to hear the word in his head, yet it seemed like he had.

“What is that?”

“An ancient revered bond between two male warriors who become friends, brothers, lovers.”

Jim thought about that, let it sink in, even as he grasped at the covers of his bed. “And you and your Jim were this?”

“Yes. But…for a long time, years, we were unaware of this. He continued in his pursuit of others and to a certain extent, I did as well. During one particularly disastrous mission, I melded us to save both of our lives, and it was then that we discovered our connection as well as the underlying feelings we both had for the other. And from that time forward, we were completely inseparable. Even more so than we had been as just friends, captain and first officer.”

Jim swallowed. “Sounds…nice.”

“Jim.”

He raised his gaze to Spock’s and there was something, primal there, he could not quite put his finger on it. He was startled enough to jerk back when Spock’s hand rose toward his face. He had a sense of déjà vu.

“I mean you no harm.”

“I know.”

He leaned forward then to meet Spock’s hand, which spread across his cheek. A strange skin deep heat blossomed across his face, not unpleasant, not at all. He blinked.

“You felt that?” Spock asked softly.

“Yeah. What…”

“Jim, the reason I knew of your demise is that I felt it rip across our bond.”

“_Our_?”

“You are James Tiberius Kirk, my T’hy’la. And when I melded with you on Delta Vega it was not only emotions I transferred to you.”

Jim felt like suddenly his head was ready to explode. Or perhaps inflate with air, detach itself from his neck and float away. “I’m sorry?”

“You must understand, that it was not my intention to force such a connection between us. However, intentional or not, my mind recognized your mind, and you are James Kirk. Our minds sought each other out. Mine sought yours especially because of the ache of loss of my Jim.” Spock paused, Jim supposed to allow all this to sink in, but Jim thought it might take fifty years or so for that to happen. “When you breathed your last breath in the warp core, I felt it, I felt our bond sever, as it once had when I lost my Jim.”

“Wait. Sever. So…does that mean the bond is broken?”

“Yes. Unless we choose to re-establish it. Your death, just as Jim’s death before, ended the bond. But that is the answer to your question as to how I knew what happened. I experienced it.”

“Did you know about it? Before I died. Did you know?”

“Yes. I…realized it early on. But I could not interfere with whatever your destiny was to be here, Jim. Your life, and that of my young counterpart, are not the same as ours, necessarily.”

“But you and I shared a bond, Spock. Don’t you think I deserved to know?”

“As I said…”

Jim sighed, frustrated. “You knew I died. Did you know other things? Did you get my thoughts and-and know things?”

“No, Jim. I shielded our bond. Only something as dramatic as your death could cut through the shield I had in place. I did not wish to invade your privacy nor did I ever.”

Jim’s mind felt further muddled. “But if we melded, like before, the bond would…what…reconnect?”

“I believe so.”

“Okay,” Jim said, slowly. “So is it just melding with you or would it also be if Spock melded with me? I mean my first officer.”

“I am uncertain, but he is Spock just as you are Jim Kirk.”

“So it’s a probability. I have to avoid melding with him.” Jim eyed him. “If our bond was still intact, would I be bonded to both of you?” God, this was so confusing.

Spock shook his head. “I do not believe so. But, understand, Jim, I have not experienced this phenomenon before. But I believe we bonded because I was no longer bonded to my Jim, but my mind recognized my T’hy’la.”

“So if that is the case, then it stands to reason my mind accepted yours because I had no bond to anyone.”

“While I am unable to verify that hypothesis, it makes the most sense.”

Generally nothing made much sense when a Spock was involved, Jim decided.

“But if the bond is broken, how come I still felt something when you touched me?”

“Residual. And you are still my t’hy’la,” Spock explained. “Should we experience prolonged physical contact, I anticipate the bond…”

“Would reconnect. Yeah.”

The door to his hospital room opened and in walked a haggard looking Bones.

“Didn’t I send you to bed?” Jim demanded.

Bones grimaced. “At the moment your command is suspended during your recovery and I’m actually giving the orders around here. I did sleep some, but then I got notified you can be released.”` Bones looked at Spock. “At least you have a visitor.”

“This is…”

“I know who he is,” Bones interrupted. He turned back to Jim. “I guess you’ll have to come to Georgia with me.”

Jim frowned. “What? Why?”

“You’re being released and I’ve made plans to see my girl over the holidays. I don’t want to disappoint her by canceling so that means…”

“Doctor, if Jim needs a caregiver while you are away, I have accommodations and a schedule that will allow him to stay in San Francisco where he will, no doubt, be more comfortable, and closer to Starfleet Medical should checkups be required.”

Jim smiled, looking at Bones hopefully. “See? The perfect solution.”

“Jim, I don’t know.”

“Who better to take care of me then my ex?”

Bones stared at him. “Your…what?”

“Jim.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Jim, what in tarnation are you going on about?” Bones demanded.

He eyed his friend. “Did you just say…never mind. It’s a long story, but Spock and I were married.”

“Bonded,” Spock said primly.

“You say potato and I say pahtato. Same thing.”

“You were…”

“It is not precisely the same.”

“Anyway,” Jim said, waving at him. “We’re divorced now.”

Spock bristled. “It is not a divorce.”

“Well, you aren’t a widower since I’m alive.”

“You two are giving me a headache,” Bones grumbled.

“The point is, you can go to Georgia, I’m staying here with Spock. He can take care of me.”

“Better than he would take care of himself, I assure you,” Spock said to Bones.

“I agree,” Bones said quickly, stabbing at his PADD. “Anything to get away from here and the two of you.”

Jim looked at Spock. “Was your McCoy like this?”

“Oh. Worse, Jim. Worse.”

“Unimaginable.”

****

“How are you feeling?”

Jim frowned. “Fine. Why?”

Spock had stopped next to a store on the street between the hospital, and where, according to him, his apartment was located.

“I thought it wise to stop for some provisions. I am not yet equipped foodwise to manage your care.”

“You aren’t going to listen to all those restrictions Bones gave you, are you? Because I feel great. Like a million credits, in fact. And I’m not getting stuck eating Who Hash or something.”

Spock shook his head. “You are…different. That is for sure.”

Jim smiled. “You mean than _him_?”

“Indeed. You make my head spin a bit.”

“It’s good for you.” Jim slapped his arm. “Okay. Let’s shop til we drop then.”

“No one is dropping.” Spock opened the store door for Jim, who walked inside, followed closely by his Vulcan nursemaid.

The store was crowded with shoppers, but Jim didn’t mind. He’d never minded crowds. He minded being alone, that’s what he didn’t like. Spock obtained a rolling basket, which he pushed as he walked beside Jim.

“We should get some things intended for merriment.”

Jim chuckled. “Merriment?”

“You did say it was the Terran holiday season. I would like to indulge you with a few reminders of such.”

He shrugged. “Far be it from me to refuse indulgence. We need coffee. Lots of it. And cream. Lots of that too. You got a coffeemaker thing or am I going to be subjected to stuff created from a computer?”

“The apartment came equipped with the apparatus you refer to.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just say, yep?”

Spock shrugged and stopped next to a wreath made out of pine tree branches. “How about one of these?”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

They moved on to a display of nuts still in their shells along with a nutcracker for sale next to them.

“Hmm.”

Spock glanced at him. “Can you eat them?”

“Nuts? Yeah. It’s a bunch of plants and medicines I have issues with. Some grains.” Jim paused. “But a lot of that has to do with contamination of the…”

“Tarsus,” Spock said softly.

Jim stared at Spock. “Yeah. Um. He did too?”

“He did.” Spock turned back to the nuts and picked up a package along with the nutcracker. “Shall we move on?”

Jim swallowed. “Yeah.” Next they stopped at chestnuts. Jim frowned. “Ever had one?”

“I have not.”

“They kinda taste like a potato. Weird. A slightly sweet potato. Not to be confused with those yam things. Anyway, we don’t have an open fire, I assume.”

Spock arched a brow. “There is no fireplace in the apartment. We do have heat.”

Jim shook his head. “That won’t do. I say we skip the chestnuts roasting on an open fire then.”

Spock nodded. “What else are the traditional trappings of the holidays?”

“How should I know? I told you…Frank. That’s all you really need to know. Um, but I guess trees and nog and…”

“Nog?”

“Egg nog. You mix it with booze or whatever. Candy canes. Chocolate.”

“Chocolate?”

“Oh, your pointed ears perked up at that, huh?”

Spock shrugged slightly. “It has been quite some time since I have had chocolate.”

“Yeah? Do you like it?”

“I do.”

“Then we have to get come of that. Since your mother was Jewish, you want a menorah? If we are getting a tree, we should get one of those too. And you know the little candles. Um, and I don’t know. Cookies. We could make some or just buy some. Rugalach and Gingerbread, and maybe decorate sugar cookies. It depends on how involved we make all this.”

“I thought you didn’t know,” Spock pointed out.

“Well, from reading and observing others. Oh and we gotta get ornaments if we get a tree. And lights. Oh hey. This could get pricey.”

Spock smiled very slightly. “I am indulging you, remember?”

Jim patted his arm. “I think we should maybe indulge each other. This can be the best damned holiday either one of us has ever had.”

“That is likely since it is one of the only ones I have ever had.”

“Jim didn’t?”

“Not really, no. He wasn’t one for those frivolities. And neither was I. While the crew generally participated in festivities and Jim allowed it, freely, it wasn’t something either of us partook in.”

“That stinks.”

“It did not at the time, I assure you. We connected on a far deeper level than the need for exchanging ill-chosen gifts due to some obligation.”

Jim winced. “Ouch. That’s a bit harsh.”

Spock looked surprised. “That was not my intention.”

“I know. Vulcans are blunt. But some of us Terrans have a little bit of sentimentality.”

“Of that I am quite aware.”

“Let’s just finish the shopping and get to your apartment.”

“Jim, it was not my intention to offend.”

“I can’t be offended, Spock. Not that easily anyway. Don’t worry about it. But maybe you can loosen up a little bit and learn to enjoy the holidays without viewing it in quite that way.”

****

“Place is cozy,” Jim noted as he stepped inside Spock’s temporary apartment. Though without much adornment, he observed to himself. No paintings or even too much personal embellishments.

“Yes, it belongs to a friend,” Spock replied. “I am allowed to use it whenever I am in San Francisco. Which is not often.”

“When does your friend stay here?” Jim asked, curiously.

“Never. They have moved away, but kept this place I suppose on the off-chance they might return.” Spock shrugged.

“Place can sure use some livening up.” Jim turned to the doorman who was helping them carry up some of the stuff they’d bought. “Just set it anywhere. We’ll take care of it from here.” 

Jim set down some bags, including his personal one with clothes, as well as some of the groceries on the floor. Spock did the same with the tree he carried, and other bags.

When the doorman had put all their purchases in the apartment, Jim gave him a tip and sent him on his way.

Jim blew out a rush of breath, sagging against the wall.

Spock rushed to him. “You have overindulged.”

“Just a little. I’m kind of tired all of a sudden.”

“And it is no wonder. I should have gotten what we needed while you rested here.”

Jim waved that away. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just need sleep.”

“And you shall have it. Let me help you to the bedroom.”

Jim didn’t argue as Spock slung his arm around him and carried him toward the left of the apartment. He noticed there was one door. He glanced at the rest of the apartment. Saw only that one door.

“Bathroom?”

“Connected to the bedroom.”

“Ah. So. Um. One bedroom?”

“Correct. But do not worry about your virtue,” Spock said with some amusement. “I will take the couch.”

Jim smirked. “I’m not worried about _mine_, old man. I’m worried about yours.”

“It has been many years since I was virtuous. Now, let’s get you to that bed so you can sleep.”

Jim’s lips twitched at his emphasis on sleep, but he let himself be led to the bed, where he collapsed. “What about all that stuff?”

“I can take care of it and what I cannot get to will keep for when you wake.”

“’Kay.” Jim yawned and rested his head on the pillow.

Spock’s fingers swept his hair off his forehead, but he said nothing. Then Jim closed his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

When Jim woke up, he yelled.

Because Spock’s face was right in his.

Spock immediately pulled back looking contrite. “My apologies, Jim. I did not intend to startle you.”

“Well, you fucking did. Sheesh.” Jim struggled to sit up, putting his hand over his heart. “What the hell, man?”

“I was attempting to ascertain if you were breathing.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”

“Considering your recent demise it is not all that obvious,” he said quietly. “And you are very quiet when you sleep.”

“At least I’m quiet sometime, anyway.” Jim smiled. “Didn’t mean to yell at you. Sorry.”

“A small matter. How do you feel?”

“Much improved from earlier. I feel good and hungry. But like I’m in desperate need of a proper shower.”

“This apartment has a large walk-in water shower. Do you need assistance?”

At that Jim smirked and raised his eyebrows. “You gonna shower with me, old man?”

“No. I merely inquire whether you need help getting in and out of the shower.”

Jim chuckled at the light green dusting over Spock’s cheeks. “Nah, I can manage myself. I’ll be out to help you with whatever as soon as I can.”

“Take your time.”

****

Jim smelled coffee as he was getting dressed after his shower and he was surprised at how happy the scent made him. Bones hadn’t allowed him a decent cup in the hospital.

He got dressed faster so he could join Spock. His mood was much improved from what it had been when he thought he was going to be alone for weeks after everyone else enjoyed their leave.

Jim had half thought about contacting his mother, having her come to San Francisco or him go to Riverside, but then he recalled she wasn’t even on the planet. She was off somewhere, he didn’t know where specifically, on a science mission, as she’d been when he was sent to Tarsus, and so he’d dropped that idea.

He really had resigned himself to being alone.

Until Spock had come. Old Spock. Spock from another universe. Whatever. He was welcome. And Jim felt much more cheerful.

Jim found that Spock had already put up the little tree they’d gotten in a corner of the living room and had also placed the cheaply acquired ornaments upon it and was in the process of trying to string lights on it. He looked somewhat flummoxed over this action.

He grinned as he walked over to Spock. “Looks great. Need help?”

Spock hesitated. “Perhaps. It should not be that difficult. I am a scientist.”

Jim laughed. “Sweets, you don’t need science to hang lights. Fetch me a cup of that amazing coffee I can smell and I’ll take care of this.”

Looking relieved, Spock thrust the tangled strand of lights at Jim and headed for the kitchen.

“Does this place have the ability to play festive music?” Jim called out.

“Festive music?”

“Yeah. Holiday tunes. It might be fun to listen to some.”

“Ah.”

Jim began to string the lights across the branches and a moment later he could hear the non-vocal strains of Jingle Bells. He shrugged. He supposed muzak was better than nothing.

Spock came over and handed him his coffee. Jim looked down at it and saw that he had added cream. He took a sip. It was sweet. He almost made a comment to Spock about knowing he liked it sweet, but then realized he probably had that in common with Spock’s er…yeah.

“How is your memory?” Spock asked into the sudden slightly uncomfortable silence.

Jim glanced at him as he continued to lay the lights. “My memory?”

Spock shrugged slightly. “Wondered if you were missing any pieces of it after your…”

“Demise.”

“Recent experiences.”

“I don’t think so.” He narrowed his eyes at Spock. “Why?”

“No reason.”

“Bullshit. What aren’t you telling me? Is this something related to our bond?”

“Former bond.”

“Yeah. Is it?”

“Not exactly.” Spock held a cup of his own and it smelled of orange and cinnamon.

“Hmm. Where’d you put the candy canes? I want to put them on the tree.”

“Is that traditional?”

Jim nodded. “I think so.”

Spock walked over to the table and grabbed a bag, returning with it to Jim. “I have some similar experience.”

In the process of placing a candy cane on a branch, Jim stopped, and gaped at Spock. “You…? What? Are you saying…”

“Yes. I wasn’t going to tell you much about my own life experiences in my universe, however, I am now rethinking some of that. After all it is not everyone who has died and come back to life.”

Jim sat down heavily on the arm of the nearby sofa. “You…died?”

“In my timeline, it was I who fixed the warp core.”

Jim frowned. “But…you couldn’t have been revived by Khan’s blood, right? Because he was human and you have…”

“It was not through a similar method, no. There was a project completed by Carol Marcus and…her son.”

“Wait. Carol had a son in your timeline?”

Spock pursed his lips. “Yes. It was the Genesis Project. It created life.”

“Huh?”

“Life from lifelessness.” Spock stepped closer, hand raised. “Perhaps it would be easier…”

Jim drew back slightly. “I don’t know. Last time…”

“I was emotionally compromised. I am in better control now.”

Jim searched Spock’s face. “Aren’t you worried about re-bonding us?” 

Spock lowered his hand. “Not truly, no. I am still capable of shielding from my end so that you do not experience any discomfort. But I believe I am in control enough, this time, that it would not occur with a mere meld.”

“A mere meld,” Jim repeated.

“An informational meld, as this would be. A re-established bond between us would require a more intimate form of melding.”

“You think.”

Spock hesitated. “I think.”

Jim turned around and finished hanging the candy canes without comment, but he felt the heavy, loaded presence of the Vulcan hovering nearby.

“We do not have to, Jim.”

“But it would be quicker and less of a strain for both of us if you could impart the information this way.”

“Yes.”

He set his coffee mug down and turned. “Okay.”

“Are you certain?” Spock asked.

Jim smiled a little. “Not at all. But I guess if you accidentally bond us again, we can deal.”

He noticed Spock’s hand had the slightest of tremors as it once more rose toward, then found the meld points of his face. He was more prepared than he had been the last time and yet Spock suddenly boldly in his mind was still pretty jarring.

But it was over quickly, fortunately, and it still left Jim panting and feeling disoriented. He held on to Spock’s shoulders as the Vulcan withdrew.

“Wow,” Jim whispered. “That’s…a lot to wrap my head around.”

“I know. And I apologize.”

He smirked a little. “Do you? I’m not so sure. David was…”

“Yes.”

Jim blew out a breath, still rather clinging to Spock. “You sacrificed everything to save the ship.”

“As did you.”

“No,” Jim denied. “You were with Jim, you gave that up, your life. Not knowing you would ever come back. I didn’t have any of that.”

“It’s not a competition, Jim. We both made large sacrifices to do the right thing.”

He nodded.

Spock’s hand touched Jim’s cheek again, but there was no intent there, this time, only a caress. “How do you feel?”

“A little lost,” he admitted. “Your love was…intimidating.”

“It should not be. I have loved James Kirk throughout much of my existence.”

Jim laughed softly. “Yeah.”

“And you _are_ James Kirk.”

“I’m not like him.”

“In some ways that is true and in other ways it is not. You are my T’hy’la.”

Jim leaned into him, resting his forehead against Spock’s. He felt so close to Spock just then, so a part of him, that he wondered, briefly, if Spock had bonded them again. It was as though they breathed together, as one.

He pulled back then, feeling suddenly nervous and on edge, and right out of Spock’s arms. The Vulcan let him go.

Jim looked at the tree, struggling for words. “It looks good.”

“Yes.”

“What next? Cookies? Menorah?”

“Anything you would like to do, Jim. I am at your mercy.”

Jim moistened his lips and laughed. “Probably shouldn’t say that.” He shook his head. “Cookies it is, then.” He moved around Spock and headed into the kitchen. 


	4. Chapter 4

Jim couldn’t deny that Spock’s face covered in flour was probably one of the cutest things he’d ever seen in his life.

He actually snorted his coffee. And even more so when Spock looked affronted at his merriment.

“Sorry. It’s just…I thought sure you’d be absolutely perfect at everything and it’s nice to see you’re as ordinary as the rest of us.”

Spock sniffed. “I never claimed to be perfect but I am definitely not ordinary.”

Jim smirked. “Okay. Well, let’s get this batch of rugelach in the fridge to chill then.”

He had to admit they looked pretty good, especially as neither one of them had ever made any such thing in their lives. And Spock’s life was very much longer than Jim’s.

He put the platter of rugelach dough into the fridge.

“It’s supposed to chill for an hour or so before we can bake them.” Jim bit his lip. “So the tree is up, the dough is chilling. What should we do next? Um, the menorah?”

“Not until tonight.”

“Oh.” He glanced around the apartment. He really wasn’t sure what to do next. This was new to him. Everything really. Heck, until recently the younger Spock barely acknowledged him let alone wanted to spend time with him. The last several holiday seasons, Jim had spent mostly by himself.

He glanced back at Spock and saw that the old Vulcan was staring rather intently at him and Jim was reminded how very strange this must be for him.

Jim smiled a little and stepped close, probably too close, but the truth was, he was drawn to Spock. Maybe it was their former bond, the T’hy’la thing. Whatever. He didn’t feel like fighting it.

He put his hand up to Spock’s face, to where the flour was, smudging his thumb through it. Then he frowned a little.

“Wait. This is…” He put his thumb in his mouth. “Not flour. Powdered sugar.”

“Well.” Spock shrugged.

“You’re so sweet,” Jim joked, which earned him a stony glare.

“Vulcans are not sweet.”

“Yeah? You are.” Impulsively, he leaned in and kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth where another bit of sugar had been dusted there. He heard a slight hitch in Spock’s breath before Spock pulled away.

“Jim.”

The tone was heavy with reproach and a lesser man might quake under that stern voice, but Jim felt like quaking for a different reason.

“What was it like between you?”

“I do not understand your meaning.”

Jim laughed. “Yeah you do. Did you…Did he…”

Spock’s cheeks were dusted green, but for a moment he didn’t respond.

“Don’t tell me it’s none of my business either.”

“Technically…”

“Don’t even go there with technicalities. I know about Vulcans and their technicalities and they’ve gotten me into trouble before.” He grinned and moved into Spock’s personal space again. “Well?”

“Both, if you must know.”

“I must, yeah.” Jim slid his hands down Spock’s arms and when he reached the wrists, he caressed them, before slipping down to Spock’s hands, and intertwining their fingers on both hands.

“Jim, I am uncertain intimacy between us is a good idea.”

“Why is that?”

Up shot the eyebrow. “Because.”

Jim laughed softly. “That’s used when someone really has no real reason not to. Other than DNA, I’m not him, I get that. But maybe that’s okay, right? Spock, you and I, we don’t have forever. We have a few weeks before you have to go and I have to go. This is the time we have, why should we waste it?”

Spock exhaled. “What you say does…”

“Make sense?”

Spock’s lips upturned ever so slightly. “I was going to say sounds appealing.”

Jim seized the color of Spock’s sweater, which made him realize Spock had changed clothes, and damn he liked it. “Now you’re talking. And I like this sweater. It’s cozy.”

“But…”

He put his fingertips on Spock’s lips. Shook his head. “No. Don’t even go there.”

“Where should we go then, Jim?”

“I was thinking the bedroom.”

“Jim.”

“Is it that you don’t want me?”

“That is a loaded question.”

Jim rolled his eyes and snorted. “Either you do or you don’t.”

“Have you seen yourself, Jim?”

“Spock…”

“You have recently died and just came out of the hospital,” Spock pointed out.

“Excuses, excuses,” Jim muttered.

Spock looked pensive. “Considering my age, I could disappoint you.”

“More excuses.” He tugged on Spock’s hand and headed toward the bedroom. “Yes or no, Spock? I don’t want to force you if you’re really not into me.”

Out came that long exhale again. “I am into you.”

He smiled brightly, pulled Spock close and kissed him full on the lips. When Spock kissed him back, with all the enthusiasm Jim hoped for, Jim murmured, “Happy Holidays to me.”

****

Jim didn’t recall exactly how they both ended up with their clothes off. He’d tugged off Spock’s big cushy sweater, he remembered that, and wanted to wrap himself in it later, but the rest was sort of lost in a haze of lust.

His nude body sliding against Spock’s, his hand curled around Spock’s erection, and Spock’s around his. Lips and tongues seeking. The bed shifting and creaking under their weight as they adjusted each other to being on top or bottom, whichever they desired at the time.

Jim entered Spock first. The Vulcan had lain on his stomach, but not before conveniently supplying Jim with lube he’d kept in a drawer, and Jim had taken his time preparing Spock for entry. He was tight, having as he’d told Jim, not had sexual intimacy there for some time.

He thought, perhaps, Spock had not been taken like this since his counterpart was alive, but Jim didn’t want to interrupt their time together with melancholy questions between them.

Later, after he’d had his fill of Spock, and they’d rested a bit, Spock made love to him.

And then they’d laid there together, in no great hurry to rise from the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“This is the best holiday season I think I’ve ever had,” Jim whispered. “Probably ever will have.”

“Perhaps, perhaps not. It is difficult to tell what the future will be.”

“Yeah.” Jim toyed with the wiry hairs on Spock’s chest. “But things aren’t the same here as they were for you. You’re with Uhura in this timeline, not with me.”

“Hmm. In any event, I, too, treasure this time I am having with you. That it is during the Terran holiday season which is meaningful to you is an added benefit.”

Jim smiled. “We haven’t finished the rugelach yet.”

“We will. When we get out of bed we will do that and make latkes and anything else you wish. Hot chocolate with marshmallows and peppermint.”

Jim laughed. “That sounds great. I know you got all excited over the prospect of chocolate.”

“Well. It has the effect on me that…let’s just say I get somewhat frisky.”

“Frisky, is it? Okay. Then lots of chocolate for sure.” Jim fell silent.

“What is it, ashayam?”

“You didn’t try to meld us.”

“No. I am not sure that is the best thing for either of us at this point.”

“But…”

Spock took his hand and held it against them both. “Trust me, Jim. Perhaps we will meld, perhaps we will not. Either way, whether we re-bond or remain without one, you are still, at your heart, my T’hy’la. Just as I am at my Katra, yours. That cannot and will not be changed.” he drew Jim’s face to his and kissed him deeply. “Shall we rise and continue our celebrating?”

“Sure. But I’m wearing your sweater.”

Spock smiled, showing his amusement. “Very well. Anything you wish, T’hy’la. This time is ours. It belongs to us.”

“And we belong to each other.”

“Indeed.”


	5. Chapter 5

“The latkes were really good.”

Spock glanced over at Jim over the rim of the plate he was currently washing. “Thank you, Jim.”

“And thank you for sharing some of your heritage with me.”

He shook his head. “There is more to being Jewish than food.”

“Yeah.” Jim turned red. “I mean, I know. I didn’t mean…”

“Jim.” Spock put the plate down and reached for and took Jim’s hands. “That was not an admonishment against you.”

“No?” Jim looked far too uncertain for Spock’s way of thinking. He’d been beaten down too often by those around him, those who should have cherished him, not questioned his worth.

“It was more an admonishment against myself. Or, perhaps, an unwelcome observation.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I regret not learning more about my mother and her background. Her family. Her life and religion. I was so focused on fitting in with my Vulcan family, on winning my father’s approval, which I never could, that I dismissed much of what I should have learned about her.”

“Because it was important to you.”

“Because it was important to _her_. Seeing my young counterpart lose his mother has…opened my eyes to my own fallacies. And then sharing what we have here over the holidays brings it even further into focus. She felt enough like an outsider as it was on Vulcan, I am certain, and I had the ability to make it easier or better for her, but I did not.”

“I’m sure she understood, Spock. I’m sure she loved you as you were. Are.” He smiled a little.

“She did, certainly. But there were times, even still, where our relationship was contentious.”

“I can’t imagine anyone being in contention with you.”

Spock chuckled at that, because it was that absurd, really, and though he knew Jim was sincere in his remark, it caused mirth to bubble forth anyway. Jim’s eyes widened.

“Wow. You’re laughing.”

“Indeed. I am capable. It is simply rare that I find a reason. Trust me, ashaya, I have had numerous contentious relationships over the years. One of my most difficult ones were with the Leonard McCoy from my timeline.”

Jim laughed then and the mood was lightened. “Okay, yeah. Stupid thing to say. Just, I find you really quite…fascinating.”

“And that is quite mutual, I assure you.”

Jim glanced toward the still undone dishes. “Why don’t we forget these for a while and go for a walk?”

Spock looked at the window. “Walk? It looks a bit cold.”

“We’ll bundle up. When was the last time you simply went for a walk?”

Spock thought about it. “I cannot say.”

“Same with me. Let’s change that. While we can.”

****

There was something quite infectious about this Jim, this version of his T’hy’la, Spock decided. Every time Jim smiled, Spock wished to do so himself. Every time Jim stopped to point something out on their walk, Spock was riveted.

He supposed that most would think he was a foolish old Vulcan. But his time left was limited and he saw no reason not to find comfort in whatever time he had left.

“Hey.” Jim smiled and stepped close to him, linking his arm with his. Once upon a time, Spock would have been bothered by such blatant physical demonstrations in public, but he could hardly think why at the moment. “What’s going on in that big brain of yours?”

“I am allowing myself to appreciate this time between us.”

Jim snorted at that. “You are, huh?”

“Indeed. It is most unexpected. When I came to this version of my universe, I never anticipated running across you, yet alone being where we are now.”

“Where are we, Spock? Just a couple of exes spending time together?”

Spock nodded. “That is not altogether inaccurate. Our time together is limited by our circumstances, Jim. Even you must acknowledge that.”

“Even me.” Jim shook his head. He pulled Spock over to a table and chairs at a sidewalk café and pushed Spock into one of the chairs. “Hang on, I’ll get us something.”

He returned quite quickly, carrying a real China cup filled with tea for Spock and a large ceramic mug of coffee for himself.

“That smells good.”

Jim raised both eyebrows. “My coffee?”

Spock shrugged. “I am not opposed to it. I generally prefer tea, but I’ve had the occasional cup of Joe.”

Jim laughed. “You’re full of surprises.”

He sipped his tea. “I had the impression you wish to wax further philosophical on our time together.”

Jim leaned back in his chair. “You’re too much. Really. But yeah, I guess so. The thing is, Spock, everyone’s time is limited. We’re not guaranteed any time beyond what we’re currently experiencing. Either one of us could leave this plane of existence tomorrow. If anyone knows about dying unexpectedly it’s the two of us. I know it from my own experience, but also that of my dad. And your counterpart knows it because of his mom. And you…”

“My own experience, yes. And that of…” Spock paused, looking into his tea. The raw pain of losing Jim never really went away. Even now sitting across from a beautiful young version of him.

“How did it happen?” Jim asked softly.

“He went off to do some publicity for the maiden voyage of a new Enterprise and…never returned.”

“I’m sorry. But that’s exactly what I mean. You think between the two of us, because of your age, that you’ll go sooner than I will, but the truth is none of us know when the end is until we experience it.”

“True,” Spock acknowledged. “But it isn’t mere death that will part us.”

Jim snorted again. “Mere death.”

“You will return to captaining the Enterprise, as you should, and I’ll return to New Vulcan to fulfill my obligations there. And it will happen quite a bit sooner than either of us would like.”

Jim gazed off into the distance. “Or are prepared for.”

Spock paused. “Yes.”

****

When they returned back to the apartment, they spent more time cooking and eating together, and then making love, though Spock still would not meld with Jim.

“A severed bond is most unpleasant to experience, ashaya.”

“I can handle it.”

Spock shook his head. “I have experienced it twice and…your counterpart experienced it once. It nearly destroyed us. I would not see that happen to you.” He hesitated again. “Some day you might experience many aspects of the bond with my young counterpart.”

Jim shook his head as he leaned down over Spock. “It’s not the same here. We’re not the same. He’s with someone else.”

“In any universe, we are still T’hy’la, Jim. Perhaps…”

“Let’s not worry about that. I’m stronger than you think I am, Spock.”

“You are stronger and braver than anyone I know, James. I still prefer not to cause you stress and pain.”

Jim sighed and kissed him. “You are so stubborn.”

Spock smiled slightly. “You have no idea.”

****

On New Year’s Eve, Spock found Jim standing on the rooftop of the building they’d been staying in. He held a glass of champagne in his hand and was overlooking the city.

Jim smiled at his approach. “Happy New Year.” He took a sip.

“Happy New Year.”

Jim sighed and turned away. “You saw the message I received.”

“Indeed.”

“They’re doing a memorial in two days for all those that didn’t make it and I’m expected to speak there.”

“For good reason, Jim.”

He nodded. “Everyone’s on their way back, too. I got dozens of messages from the crew. They’ll all be there, too.”

“Of course. But I will not be.”

He turned and gazed at Spock. “I know. You received a message too.”

“Yes. I will be departing Earth to New Vulcan prior to the memorial. It is a time for you and your crew to mourn and for the Enterprise, fully under your command, to shine and experience your own missions and adventures.”

“Spock.” He bit his lip.

Spock put his hand on Jim’s face. “Ashayam. You forever have my heart. That cannot and will not change. I thank you for this Yuletide season you allowed me to have with you. It is the happiest I have been in a long time.”

“Me too.” He came into Spock’s arms and Spock pulled him close, holding him tightly. “But if this is it, I have one last request.”

“What, Jim?”

“Bond us. Again.”

“Jim…”

“Spock.” He pulled back, eyes shining as he stared into Spock’s eyes. “Please.”

Spock moved his shaking hand to Jim’s meld points. “My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is a wrap on this one. Somewhat bittersweet, don't you think?  
I'm certainly never done completely with this pairing, but since this one was a holiday story I wanted it done by the end of the year.  
Thank you for reading.


End file.
